What if there were a Myers-Briggs test for polyamory? This discussion identifies several components, styles, and values that make up every person’s polyamory personality or “flavor”.
Each attendee fills out a custom name tag (image below) while we discuss the different aspects of poly identity.
Speed: How quickly do you form connections/relationships in general?
Fluid – More rapid in forming emotional and/or sexual connections.
Growth – Deliberate in forming emotional and/or sexual connections.
Static – Slow moving in forming emotional and/or sexual connections.
Structure: How would you describe your ideal poly relationship structure?
Open – People come and go at will, forming “polycules” which consist of individual dyadic relationships
Network – People often connect socially with metamours. Some sort of “get to know you” is usually requested or offered early on in becoming part of the extended group.
Closed – Approval of existing members needed before new member is allowed to join.
Attitude: What level of entanglement is desired with partners and/or metamours?
Independent – Prefers to do their own thing with their own partner.
Community – Enjoys being part of socially connected groups some of the time.
Family – Actively prioritizes shared time and/or space with partners and metamours.
Intimacy: How is romantic closeness with others achieved? (More than one may apply.)
Sexual – Connects with others via sharing physical intimacy.
Emotional – Connects with others via shared feelings.
Activities and shared experiences – Connects with others via sharing experiences and spending time together.
Prioritization: How are relationships prioritized?
Hierarchical – Priority is given to preservation of existing primary relationship(s).
Weighted – Some relationships are prioritized over others, but open to changes, adding an additional primary, etc.
Egalitarian – Committed to not prioritizing some relationships over others.
Saturation: What would your ideal concentration look like?
Full-boat – Completely satisfied with current relationship(s). Prefer relationships to dating.
Open – Open to opportunities to connect, neither closed off to forming new relationships, nor actively looking, but being closed to possibilities would feel restrictive.
Actively seeking – Looking for new connections regardless of current partner status. Consistently open to dating and exploration.
Nature vs Nurture:
Born Poly – Came out of the womb hardwired for multiple relationships. Being monogamous would feel unnatural.
Choice – Poly makes sense, and is a desired style of relationship for a myriad of reasons. Unlikely to get into a monogamous relationship.
Either – Mono or poly. Happy being open to either poly or mono, depending on circumstances in life, if current partner is open to poly, etc.
Flow of Information: How much information would be shared in your ideal situation?
Confidential – No desire to hear about other partners or activities and/or have information about the relationship they are involved in shared with metamours, unless explicitly approved in advance.
Pertinent – Don’t need to have all the details, but want to have personally relevant information shared.
Transparency – Desire the free flow of information about all relationships partners are involved in and are comfortable with partner sharing that with metamours.
Formality: To what degree of formality would partners’ agreements be structured?
Detailed – Extensive agreements/contracts covering every eventuality.
General – Conscious agreements about a few major subjects.
Short-term – Temporary agreements only.
Voting Rights: What rights do partners have with regards to voting and vetoes?
Veto – Veto power is a basic part of my relationships.
Early Veto – Veto power is part of my relationships, but only in early stages where emotional investment is low.
No Veto – Veto power is not part of my relationships, ever.
Openness to the Community: How open or “out” are you?
Partners & Poly Community – Only “out” to current and prospective partners, and to the poly community.
Selective – Share with current and prospective partners, the poly community, and some non-poly people in your life; not explicitly “out” as poly to some people in your life.
Everyone – Open about being poly to everyone (or nearly everyone) you know
Kinky: To what extent are relationships defined by kink/BDSM?
Poly First, Kinky Second.
Kinky First, Poly Second.
Not Kinky – only poly.
Adapted with permission from: http://polytripod.blogspot.com/2011/10/poly-myers-briggs.html