• Indianapolis, IN
Polyamory in Indianapolis

PEAS Presents: Who moved my happy ending? – A Presentation by Lisa

PEAS Presents: Who moved my happy ending? – A Presentation by Lisa

A lot of the concepts we all grew up with, and that are still common in “romantic” literature and cinema are starting to feel…not quite right. Issues like consent, gender identity, and sexual orientation have all changed dramatically in the past few decades. We’ll talk about these topics and how they affect dating in general and your relationships in particular.”

Presented at P.E.A.S. – October 25th, 2015 by Lisa

Notes from the presentation:

What We Grew Up With What’s True Today
Consent
No Means No Fuck Yes or No (http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes)
Men can’t help themselves Men have control over their actions (http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-myth-of-boner-werewolf.html )
“That just means he likes you” http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2013/03/that-just-means-he-likes-you.html

http://www.refinery29.com/2015/10/95507/merritt-smith-four-year-old-stitches-facebook-post

Abuse is bullshit at any age.
Communication
Women secretly want to be chased / dominated / controlled / taken care of Women are capable of expressing what they actually want.
The Friendzone is unfair The Friendzone is bullshit. People are not vending machines you put kindness into until sex falls out.
The soft no is unclear People understand a soft no, they ignore it because they believe they know better or persistence will change the answer
Baseball analogy for sex Pizza analogy for sex https://www.ted.com/talks/al_vernacchio_sex_needs_a_new_metaphor_here_s_one?language=en
Creepiness
Only men can be creepy Creepiness is an equal opportunity endeavor
What’s creepy from an unattractive person would be romantic from an attractive person No one is required to justify their lack of attraction.

Attractiveness, attraction, and interest are all independent factors, any one of which can take behavior from welcome to unwelcome

Creepers are just socially awkward and should be given the benefit of the doubt, repeatedly, in case they just don’t understand. Creepers are creepers because they feel entitled to other people’s attention and affection.

There are good resources to help anyone who’s interested learn not to be creepy.

http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2011/07/how-to-not-be-creepy.html

http://captainawkward.com/2012/08/11/the-c-word/

http://whatever.scalzi.com/2012/08/09/an-incomplete-guide-to-not-creeping/

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2011/12/dont-be-a-creeper/all/1/

People reject others for kicks For most people, rejecting someone is painful and awkward
Commitment
Relationships have a destined path (the relationship escalator) Relationships can take different forms (http://solopoly.net/2012/11/29/riding-the-relationship-escalator-or-not/)
Committed relationships lead to jealousy Committed relationships can be characterized by compersion
Relationships are meant to last forever, otherwise they are failures Relationships can be successful with

 

Feminism

Yes all women (http://uproxx.com/webculture/2014/05/the-best-of-yesallwomen-tweets-yes-all-women-twitter/) ( http://www.people.com/article/yes-all-women-hashtag-movement-santa-barbara-shooting)

Books on Women’s Sexuality:

http://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1476762090

http://www.amazon.com/What-Do-Women-Want-Adventures/dp/0061906093/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1445831585&sr=1-1&keywords=what+do+women+want

What men fear vs. what women fear: https://twitter.com/agratha/status/642213434172379137

http://www.goweirdfacts.com/whats-the-biggest-fear-in-online-dating.html

Men fear

  • Getting laughed at
  • Women in makeup

Women fear

  • Being raped
  • Being murdered